You
have met your ideal mate and fallen in love. This new relationship
will now fulfill your dreams and complete your life, right?
Unfortunately no, but a “balanced relationship” might have a better
chance.
Long term relationship provides a place for us to make a deeply intimate
connection, something that most of us long for. But what people often
forget is that they also need themselves, their individual selves.
The couple can never provide for our individual needs as human beings.
Our minds, our bodies and our souls have an individual existence which
still needs to be lived.
The best marriages are made up of people who hold a good balance between
connection and autonomy. Here each partner attends to their needs
as a spouse, to the needs of their spouse, and to their own individual
needs. They maintain a balance. When individual needs are not met,
the individual dies a little and then, the couple dies, too. Each
couple is only as strong as each of its partners in the same way as
every chain is only as strong as each of its links. Couples who forget
their separateness and only remember their togetherness lose their
vitality and their aliveness over time.
On the other hand, couples can lose their balance and become two individuals
living together under the same roof with very little between them.
Here the couple aspect is diminished. They often say, “We’ve grown
apart,” and you can see the loss in their eyes. Sadly, they have lost
their connection and the magic that first brought them together. Sometimes
couples put the needs of one partner over the other consistently.
This, too, deteriorates the relationship.
I work with couples every day helping them to regain their balance
and their magic. If you have concerns in this area, please phone me
at 604-538-9796.
